Into the Workplace!

 The results of the two self-assessments assigned for this discussion were within the area I was expecting. For team player I got a 58 for fear of criticism. This is something I have slowly been working on. The comment from the test gave some good advice.  “Fear of Criticism appears to be of minor concern for you when working in a group situation. You may not be fully able to participate because you do not always handle negative feedback in a positive manner. Remember that feedback is simply a part of the group process and should not be taken personally.” (ARCH Profile, 2020).

For the second self-assessment, team roles, the highest I had in a category was 19%. I am an innovator more than anything else, but I am also an expert, driver, and team player. In these categories I scored 19%, 17%, 14% and 14% respectively. In the other categories mentioned I got an 11% or lower. Last year I had an experience working with a team that showed me how I function in a team. I take charge as most people don’t generally want that role (driver). I come up with ideas (innovator), do my best to get the team to work together (team player), and will take on any area that I have knowledge or skills in (expert). (123 Test, 2020).

There are multiple relationship behaviours that are needed in order for a team to work effectively. Encouraging participation, harmonizing, relieving tension, evaluating the group’s emotional climate, giving praise, and listening thoughtfully to the concerns of others. If a group isn’t operating well, checking if one of these areas is lacking is a good place to start with getting things on track (Alder, Winder, Rosenfeld, & Proctor II, 2020, pp. 370-371).

In a workplace I prefer to work alone and asking others for advice as I need it. This doesn’t mean I can’t work well in a group. I simply don’t like the responsibility that comes with working for others as I often take a leadership role. My creativity makes me great for coming up with ideas, but my sense of responsibility generally also has me taking charge. I’ll also check in with others to be sure everyone gets their part done, and that if someone needs help, they get it.

It is incredibly frustrating for me when my ideas are completely ignored. Due to this, when I am in charge, I try to listen to everyone’s ideas. I tend to incorporate as many as possible and am always happy when everyone’s ideas are part of the project. I can lead and organize groups though I prefer to work on my own. I know how long it will take me to do something and can pace myself accordingly. Trying to factor in unknown time needs makes it difficult to know how long it will take to complete a project.

Since I can work successfully in a group, group work won’t hinder my success in the workplace. It will add stress, but a job won’t suddenly become impossible as long as the other group members are willing to work together. A group is only as good as its members. This includes the members desire and ability to work together. It is every member of the group’s responsibility to put effort into getting along and working together.

References

123 Test. (2020). Team Roles Test. Retrieved from 123 Test: https://www.123test.com/team-roles-test/id=4YYQTCJJ5FNX&version=

Alder, R. B., Winder, C., Rosenfeld, L. B., & Proctor II, R. F. (2020). Interplay Fifth Canadian Edition. Oxford.

ARCH Profile. (2020). Team Player Test. Retrieved from Psychology Today: https://psychologytoday.tests.psychtests.com/bin/transfer

Duking it out, or not?

 Upon taking the self-assessment required for this discussion (McGraw-Hill Ryerson, 2001), I noticed that I have an interesting blend of conflict managements styles. I wasn’t surprised by my results as I’ve known about how I manage conflict for a while. I use a blend of avoiding, accommodating, and compromising with collaboration and competing when I feel it’s necessary.

Since I use a blend based on the situation I’m dealing with, instead of just talking about one I will talk the three I use most. Three benefits to my conflict management style:

·         Ability to let minor or temporary issues pass, allowing me to save my energy for more important ones. (Alder, Winder, Rosenfeld, & Proctor II, 2020)

·         Being able to “Take one for the team,” or “lose the battle to win the war.” Basically, being able to let someone else “win” even if I don’t agree with them. (Alder, Winder, Rosenfeld, & Proctor II, 2020)

·         Being willing to give to find a middle ground.

Now to list a draw back. I often feel upset about how the conflict went. This is very much a draw back. It means I will think about the conflict for a while after it has happened and feel upset or resigned all over again.

My relationship with conflict isn’t a healthy one. I’ve been slowly working on it for years. Over time I have gotten more assertive and went from always giving in or hiding, to occasionally standing my ground. Just a few years ago the other two conflict styles (collaboration and competing) wouldn’t have even been on my list of what I use. They would have been something I avoided.

Every method of conflict management has it’s merits and uses. No one style works perfectly for every situation. I’m personally trying to learn to use other styles when dealing with things I find important. I’ve made progress but still have a lot way to go. Conflict is something that scares me, it has since I was a child. Other people being angry was bad. If my teacher got mad, I got in trouble. If my parents got mad, I got in trouble. Basically, I saw conflict as a source of trouble. When someone got angry everyone got hurt (emotionally). I’m working to correct that.

Knowing what methods, I use and that they can be quite useful in certain situations goes a long way in helping me learn when I need to use other methods. A friend recently asked me to describe, using a metaphor or a simile, how I saw conflict. My answer was “Conflict is like a wildfire.” I went on to explain that wildfires burn everything in their path if they get out of control. They’re terrifying and dangerous. In controlled settings they are helpful, but most of us don’t experience a wildfire in a controlled setting.

In the article we were to read the writer mentioned something. “It’s incredibly important to not be afraid when conflict arises because there are things you can do, such as becoming more skilled and qualified by building a repertoire for responding to reduce conflict,” says Dr. Benoliel (Walden News, 2017). I’d like to start “controlling” the wildfire more, as just avoiding it doesn’t mean I won’t get burned.

References

Alder, R. B., Winder, C., Rosenfeld, L. B., & Proctor II, R. F. (2020). Interplay Fifth Canadian Edition. Oxford.

McGraw-Hill Ryerson. (2001). Organizational Conflict and Negotiation. Retrieved from Online Learning Centre: https://tools.mheducation.ca/college/mcshane4/student/olc/4obm_sa_13.html

Walden News. (2017, May 30). What’s Your Conflict Management Style? Retrieved from Walden University: https://www.waldenu.edu/news-and-events/walden-news/2017/0530-whats-your-conflict-management-style

Confirming or Disconfirming

 

For the confirming and dis-confirming self assessment (Alder, Winder, Rosenfeld, & Proctor II, 2020, p. 279) I used the same friendship as the previous discussion. With this friendship I got 33 for the confirming and 10 for the dis-confirming (the average college student scores 29 confirming and 20 dis-confirming). I was then curious and did a different friendship. The second friendship had rather different results, 25 confirming and 31 dis-confirming. It was interesting to see how different the two friendships are. Since I talked about the first friendship in the previous discussion, I thought comparing it to another relationship would be interesting.

The first friendship is incredibly positive, emotions are validated, and there is a constant feeling of safety. No matter what is discussed we both know that we won’t be judged by the other for it. In comparison the second friendship does not give those feelings of safety. I don’t discuss near as many things for fear of being judged or lectured. While it is the longer of the two friendships, it isn’t one I feel at liberty to be vulnerable in.

The two friendships have very different climates. One feels warm, like being wrapped in a warm blanket sipping your favourite hot beverage on a cold winter day. The other feels cold, like a rainy day where it’s slush rain and you don’t have a coat or umbrella. The second is something you arm yourself for, with that coat and umbrella. While creating a relationship climate is something that requires both parties, there are things we do that contribute to it.

“There are many factors that shape the climate in our relationships. On the positive side there are things like smiling, laughing, pleasant tone of voice, eye contact, reaching out to, listening to and validating others. On the negative side there are things like ignoring, attacking, glaring, justifying, put downs and having to be right. Keeping our behavior on the positive side will improve the climate of our relationships.

But what is more important is what is going on inside of us. When we are grateful for our relationships, when we choose loving thoughts, choose to act rather than react to others, choose to forgive hurts and be at peace, then we will not have to work to create a positive relationship climate, it will already be in place.” (Derry, n.d.)

Something to remember though, is people won’t know what you don’t tell them. “Because interpersonal communication is the primary means by which we get to know others as unique individuals, it is important to understand the role of self-disclosure. Self-disclosure is the process of revealing information about yourself to others that is not readily known by them—you have to disclose it.” (Lumen Learning, n.d.)

You need communication skills to know when and how to tell someone things. You need to be aware of whether they would be receptive to learning more about you right then, or if you should wait until another time. You also need to have listening skills in order to learn about the other person. One-sided relationships aren’t healthy.

I would like to improve my ability to read people and to listen to them. With this course I am hoping to raise my awareness of my weaknesses (some of which I have learned through previous discussions) so I can work on them. To know what it is I need to work on, to learn more about different aspects of communication so that I can learn where to start in building my own skills.

References

Alder, R. B., Winder, C., Rosenfeld, L. B., & Proctor II, R. F. (2020). Interplay Fifth Canadian Edition. Oxford.

Derry, S. (n.d.). What Is Your Relationship Climate? Retrieved from SelfGrowth.com: https://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/what_is_your_relationship_climate

Lumen Learning. (n.d.). Introduction to Commucation. Retrieved from lumen: https://courses.lumenlearning.com/introductiontocommunication/chapter/self-disclosure/

 

Happy Holidays

Due to being on holiday I won't have another discussion post up until January 8th 2021. 

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✦ Happy Yule and Happy New Year! ✦

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Stay safe and hope you all have a wonderful holiday.

Better Together

Note: I used the name "Ann" in place of my friends name for confidentiality reasons.

 

I’m going to start with a quote that perfectly summarizes the chapter we used in this discussion's topic. “There are two main reasons why we form relationships, attraction and intimacy. There are many different reasons why we would be attracted to someone. For example, appearance, similarity and complementary, reciprocal attraction, competence, disclosure, and proximity are all reasons for our attraction to other people. Examples like dimensions, masculinity and femininity, cultures and limits are all things that affect intimacy.” (Schmitt, 2012). I’d like to mention that attraction and intimacy don’t need to happen only in a romantic relationship. The relationship I’m focusing on is a friendship that has influenced my life and helped me gain confidence in who I am as a person.

Upon reading the chapter I realized I needed to figure out why I'd formed this particular relationship. Trying to figure out why I formed my friendship Ann definitely took me back to when I met her. I was still in high school, and due to chronic back pain, I went to her for massages about once a month. During something like a massage, you are vulnerable in a way you aren’t usually. There is a lot of touch going on which tends to make people very open. Your body both hurts and is relaxing. I was more open than I probably normally would have been. I was shy, nervous, and anxious far more then than I am now. Due to my being more open I found that Ann and I had plenty of things in common.

My relationship with Ann is based on more than one thing mentioned in the textbook. In fact, it started due to multiple factors. Similarity, disclosure, proximity, competence, and complementarity as the textbook lists them. Each of these played a key factor in the growth of my friendship with her. It helped that she was an adult who wouldn’t judge me, whom I could trust, and who didn’t think any of my reasons for things were silly. (Alder, Winder, Rosenfeld, & Proctor II, 2020)The textbook discusses communication styles and personality traits which were definitely things Ann and I had (and still have) in common. She and I had similarities in our struggles with mental illness. We both disclosed a lot to each other over the years. She was and is a competent woman, self-employed, and doing many things she loves. It has definitely helped at she and I are physically near each other and have met often over the years. (Alder, Winder, Rosenfeld, & Proctor II, 2020)

As I grew and learned more about myself, and many other things I found there was more to it than what we had in common, what we had told each other, or anything else mentioned in the textbook. While listening to a TED Talk I learned more on why my relationship, my friendship, with Ann meant so much to me. Brene Brown discusses her research “…where I started was with connection. Because, by the time you're a social worker for 10 years, what you realize is that connection is why we're here. It's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. This is what it's all about. It doesn't matter whether you talk to people who work in social justice, mental health and abuse and neglect, what we know is that connection, the ability to feel connected, is -- neurobiologically that's how we're wired -- it's why we're here.” (Brene Brown The Power Of Vulnerability, 2010)

During that TED Talk Brene Brown discusses vulnerability. “… To let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen ... to love with our whole hearts, even though there's no guarantee…” (Brene Brown The Power Of Vulnerability, 2010). Ann was someone I could be myself around at the very vulnerable age of 17 and continue to as I myself changed and grew. I was never expected to stay as I had been when I met her. I was expected to change and grow. Due to this I was able to continue to be open and vulnerable, to be exactly who I was at the moment, whatever that meant for that day, week, month, or year. That is why my relationship, my friendship with Ann has become so dear, so powerful, and so important to me. For when you find someone you feel safe being vulnerable to the point of being you without filters, you learn to love who you are. You learn that being imperfect, being flawed, being you, is something beautiful and something to treasure. I have learned that relationships of any kind where you can freely be yourself are precious and rare.

References

Alder, R. B., Winder, C., Rosenfeld, L. B., & Proctor II, R. F. (2020). Interplay Fifth Canadian Edition. Oxford.

Brene Brown The Power Of Vulnerability. (2010, June). Retrieved from TED: https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_the_power_of_vulnerability/transcript?language=en

Schmitt, C. (2012, May 24). Why We Form Relationships. Retrieved from Courtney's e-folio: https://sites.google.com/site/courtneysefolio/8-why-we-form-relationships

Reading Between The Lines

 

The first self assessment we were assigned wouldn’t give me my results without making a payment so I took the second and will be using what I got from that one. I scored average at all communication types. I still have a lot to learn and that’s okay. Life is about growth. The test gave me some insights on where to start to improve. (Interpersonal Skills Self-Assessment, 2020).

One thing mentioned in the self-assessment that I need to work on was confidence particularly in group settings. (Interpersonal Skills Self-Assessment, 2020). Self influencing, such as changing my stance, or posture during this type of interaction could go a long way to helping me improve (Alder, Winder, Rosenfeld, & Proctor II, 2020, pp. 220-221).

“Interpersonal skills are the competencies and abilities that help you interact and communicate with other people. There are very few jobs where someone works 100% on their own; even the roles you might think are mostly solo affairs still require some human interaction and teamwork. Simply put, interpersonal skills are the tools you use to get on with other people.” (What are interpersonal skills and why are they important for the workplace?, 2019)

The above quote explains why these skills are so important. Knowing how important these skills are and where my weaknesses are will go a long way to helping me both improve them and do well in an office environment. I know what my weaknesses are, therefore, I can keep an eye out for them. I can put some extra effort in and talk to someone else first. Little things make a big difference in relationships in or outside of the workplace.

If I ignored my weaknesses I probably wouldn’t do as well. I’d be expecting others to pick up the slack in my abilities rather than working on them or working around them myself. That isn’t a good way to form relationships especially in a workplace. Since I know what I need to work on I have a better chance of it not negatively influencing how I do in an office workplace.

I have empathy and can use that to create authentic workplace relationships. I have communication skills though they need work and can use what I do have while working on getting better. As long as I stay aware of where my struggles are likely to be and continue to strive to do better and become better, I should be fine. I can also potentially get help from others to improve as well.

References

Alder, R. B., Winder, C., Rosenfeld, L. B., & Proctor II, R. F. (2020). Interplay Fifth Canadian Edition. Oxford.

Interpersonal Skills Self-Assessment. (2020). Retrieved from Skills You Need: https://www.skillsyouneed.com/quiz/343479

What are interpersonal skills and why are they important for the workplace? (2019, August 9). Retrieved from Deakin University: https://credentials.deakin.edu.au/what-are-interpersonal-skills-and-why-are-they-important-for-the-workplace/

 

What's In A Word

 

I was not surprised by any of the things mentioned in the textbook on sexism and sexist language. Most of it was things I’d either heard or seen myself. I did quite like how the textbook explained it. “Sexist language includes words, phrases, and expressions that unnecessarily differentiate between females and males or exclude, trivialize or diminish either sex.” (Alder, Winder, Rosenfeld, & Proctor II, 2020, p. 187). It shows not only everything that would be considered sexist language but also uses words that help to show the effect it can have.

While reading the outlined pages I found that most of what was discussed there is drastically based on the individual and the type of environment. Being the only female in an office would likely change how you are treated. As the only daughter I noticed a difference in how my brother’s thought of girls versus what some of my friends’ siblings thought. Since growing up my brothers had a sister who was weaker and more timid (unless they crossed a line) they saw women that way.

I worked in an all female office over the summer. The environment was so different from anywhere else I’d worked. Any sexist language used was in mockery of sexism and never used in any other way. Due to this and other work experiences I believe that how sexism and sexist language influences the language used in an office environment depends on the office. Each will be different.

Since an office requires teamwork and the ability to work together on things the effect that sexist language has is a huge issue. It demoralizes, which in turn lowers the ability to work. So not only does it have a personal impact, but it effects the organization or office as a whole. Nor do sexist words effect only the target, they affect everyone in the workplace. It doesn’t matter if the target is male or female all workers are affected no matter their gender. “And when sexism is not curtailed, or if its perpetrators are not challenged by the higher ups, those in authority lose their credibility” (John, n.d.).

Something else that popped out to me in the textbook was the section on sexual orientation and how derogative words relating to LGBTQ+ affect others. As someone a part of that community I have noticed how often homosexual insults are used, and how those using them react when they discover that the person, they just insulted isn’t heterosexual. Some get defensive, some get angry, some use more insults, and others apologize. These kind of words and other insults would have quite the affect on a work environment and the use of them directed at a co-worker or employee even if it isn’t directed at me, would have me handing in my notice.

While most offices should have policies in place and keep the office free of sexist language, not all will care enough to. Due to this we have laws in place to protect those who would otherwise have to either put up with it or quit.

“Workplace harassment is defined as a single or repeated incident of objectionable or unwelcome conduct, comment, bullying or action intended to intimidate, offend, degrade or humiliate a particular person or group. It’s a serious issue and creates an unhealthy work environment resulting in psychological harm to workers.

 

It does not include any reasonable conduct of an employer or supervisor related to the normal management of workers or a work site. Differences of opinion or minor disagreements between coworkers are also not generally considered to be workplace harassment if steps are taken to resolve the conflict.” (Workplace harassment and violence, 2020).

With all this in mind sexist language and sexism in general shouldn’t affect the workplace. Since unfortunately not everyone understands why it is important to treat everyone equally, thankfully we have a right to be treated fairly. I have kept this in mind with every job I’ve had. I will keep it in mind with every future job as well. So, I expect to be able to work in an office where I will be treated with basic respect, and from this chapter and the research done for this discussion post know of things I can do if that isn’t the case.

References

Alder, R. B., Winder, C., Rosenfeld, L. B., & Proctor II, R. F. (2020). Interplay Fifth Canadian Edition. Oxford.

John, S. (n.d.). How Sexist Words Affect Attitudes and Behavior in the Workplace. Retrieved from Chron: https://smallbusiness.chron.com/sexist-words-affect-attitudes-behavior-workplace-18256.html

Workplace harassment and violence. (2020). Retrieved from Alberta: https://www.alberta.ca/workplace-harassment-violence.aspx