Confirming or Disconfirming

 

For the confirming and dis-confirming self assessment (Alder, Winder, Rosenfeld, & Proctor II, 2020, p. 279) I used the same friendship as the previous discussion. With this friendship I got 33 for the confirming and 10 for the dis-confirming (the average college student scores 29 confirming and 20 dis-confirming). I was then curious and did a different friendship. The second friendship had rather different results, 25 confirming and 31 dis-confirming. It was interesting to see how different the two friendships are. Since I talked about the first friendship in the previous discussion, I thought comparing it to another relationship would be interesting.

The first friendship is incredibly positive, emotions are validated, and there is a constant feeling of safety. No matter what is discussed we both know that we won’t be judged by the other for it. In comparison the second friendship does not give those feelings of safety. I don’t discuss near as many things for fear of being judged or lectured. While it is the longer of the two friendships, it isn’t one I feel at liberty to be vulnerable in.

The two friendships have very different climates. One feels warm, like being wrapped in a warm blanket sipping your favourite hot beverage on a cold winter day. The other feels cold, like a rainy day where it’s slush rain and you don’t have a coat or umbrella. The second is something you arm yourself for, with that coat and umbrella. While creating a relationship climate is something that requires both parties, there are things we do that contribute to it.

“There are many factors that shape the climate in our relationships. On the positive side there are things like smiling, laughing, pleasant tone of voice, eye contact, reaching out to, listening to and validating others. On the negative side there are things like ignoring, attacking, glaring, justifying, put downs and having to be right. Keeping our behavior on the positive side will improve the climate of our relationships.

But what is more important is what is going on inside of us. When we are grateful for our relationships, when we choose loving thoughts, choose to act rather than react to others, choose to forgive hurts and be at peace, then we will not have to work to create a positive relationship climate, it will already be in place.” (Derry, n.d.)

Something to remember though, is people won’t know what you don’t tell them. “Because interpersonal communication is the primary means by which we get to know others as unique individuals, it is important to understand the role of self-disclosure. Self-disclosure is the process of revealing information about yourself to others that is not readily known by them—you have to disclose it.” (Lumen Learning, n.d.)

You need communication skills to know when and how to tell someone things. You need to be aware of whether they would be receptive to learning more about you right then, or if you should wait until another time. You also need to have listening skills in order to learn about the other person. One-sided relationships aren’t healthy.

I would like to improve my ability to read people and to listen to them. With this course I am hoping to raise my awareness of my weaknesses (some of which I have learned through previous discussions) so I can work on them. To know what it is I need to work on, to learn more about different aspects of communication so that I can learn where to start in building my own skills.

References

Alder, R. B., Winder, C., Rosenfeld, L. B., & Proctor II, R. F. (2020). Interplay Fifth Canadian Edition. Oxford.

Derry, S. (n.d.). What Is Your Relationship Climate? Retrieved from SelfGrowth.com: https://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/what_is_your_relationship_climate

Lumen Learning. (n.d.). Introduction to Commucation. Retrieved from lumen: https://courses.lumenlearning.com/introductiontocommunication/chapter/self-disclosure/