Happy Holidays

Due to being on holiday I won't have another discussion post up until January 8th 2021. 

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✦ Happy Yule and Happy New Year! ✦

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Stay safe and hope you all have a wonderful holiday.

Better Together

Note: I used the name "Ann" in place of my friends name for confidentiality reasons.

 

I’m going to start with a quote that perfectly summarizes the chapter we used in this discussion's topic. “There are two main reasons why we form relationships, attraction and intimacy. There are many different reasons why we would be attracted to someone. For example, appearance, similarity and complementary, reciprocal attraction, competence, disclosure, and proximity are all reasons for our attraction to other people. Examples like dimensions, masculinity and femininity, cultures and limits are all things that affect intimacy.” (Schmitt, 2012). I’d like to mention that attraction and intimacy don’t need to happen only in a romantic relationship. The relationship I’m focusing on is a friendship that has influenced my life and helped me gain confidence in who I am as a person.

Upon reading the chapter I realized I needed to figure out why I'd formed this particular relationship. Trying to figure out why I formed my friendship Ann definitely took me back to when I met her. I was still in high school, and due to chronic back pain, I went to her for massages about once a month. During something like a massage, you are vulnerable in a way you aren’t usually. There is a lot of touch going on which tends to make people very open. Your body both hurts and is relaxing. I was more open than I probably normally would have been. I was shy, nervous, and anxious far more then than I am now. Due to my being more open I found that Ann and I had plenty of things in common.

My relationship with Ann is based on more than one thing mentioned in the textbook. In fact, it started due to multiple factors. Similarity, disclosure, proximity, competence, and complementarity as the textbook lists them. Each of these played a key factor in the growth of my friendship with her. It helped that she was an adult who wouldn’t judge me, whom I could trust, and who didn’t think any of my reasons for things were silly. (Alder, Winder, Rosenfeld, & Proctor II, 2020)The textbook discusses communication styles and personality traits which were definitely things Ann and I had (and still have) in common. She and I had similarities in our struggles with mental illness. We both disclosed a lot to each other over the years. She was and is a competent woman, self-employed, and doing many things she loves. It has definitely helped at she and I are physically near each other and have met often over the years. (Alder, Winder, Rosenfeld, & Proctor II, 2020)

As I grew and learned more about myself, and many other things I found there was more to it than what we had in common, what we had told each other, or anything else mentioned in the textbook. While listening to a TED Talk I learned more on why my relationship, my friendship, with Ann meant so much to me. Brene Brown discusses her research “…where I started was with connection. Because, by the time you're a social worker for 10 years, what you realize is that connection is why we're here. It's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. This is what it's all about. It doesn't matter whether you talk to people who work in social justice, mental health and abuse and neglect, what we know is that connection, the ability to feel connected, is -- neurobiologically that's how we're wired -- it's why we're here.” (Brene Brown The Power Of Vulnerability, 2010)

During that TED Talk Brene Brown discusses vulnerability. “… To let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen ... to love with our whole hearts, even though there's no guarantee…” (Brene Brown The Power Of Vulnerability, 2010). Ann was someone I could be myself around at the very vulnerable age of 17 and continue to as I myself changed and grew. I was never expected to stay as I had been when I met her. I was expected to change and grow. Due to this I was able to continue to be open and vulnerable, to be exactly who I was at the moment, whatever that meant for that day, week, month, or year. That is why my relationship, my friendship with Ann has become so dear, so powerful, and so important to me. For when you find someone you feel safe being vulnerable to the point of being you without filters, you learn to love who you are. You learn that being imperfect, being flawed, being you, is something beautiful and something to treasure. I have learned that relationships of any kind where you can freely be yourself are precious and rare.

References

Alder, R. B., Winder, C., Rosenfeld, L. B., & Proctor II, R. F. (2020). Interplay Fifth Canadian Edition. Oxford.

Brene Brown The Power Of Vulnerability. (2010, June). Retrieved from TED: https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_the_power_of_vulnerability/transcript?language=en

Schmitt, C. (2012, May 24). Why We Form Relationships. Retrieved from Courtney's e-folio: https://sites.google.com/site/courtneysefolio/8-why-we-form-relationships

Reading Between The Lines

 

The first self assessment we were assigned wouldn’t give me my results without making a payment so I took the second and will be using what I got from that one. I scored average at all communication types. I still have a lot to learn and that’s okay. Life is about growth. The test gave me some insights on where to start to improve. (Interpersonal Skills Self-Assessment, 2020).

One thing mentioned in the self-assessment that I need to work on was confidence particularly in group settings. (Interpersonal Skills Self-Assessment, 2020). Self influencing, such as changing my stance, or posture during this type of interaction could go a long way to helping me improve (Alder, Winder, Rosenfeld, & Proctor II, 2020, pp. 220-221).

“Interpersonal skills are the competencies and abilities that help you interact and communicate with other people. There are very few jobs where someone works 100% on their own; even the roles you might think are mostly solo affairs still require some human interaction and teamwork. Simply put, interpersonal skills are the tools you use to get on with other people.” (What are interpersonal skills and why are they important for the workplace?, 2019)

The above quote explains why these skills are so important. Knowing how important these skills are and where my weaknesses are will go a long way to helping me both improve them and do well in an office environment. I know what my weaknesses are, therefore, I can keep an eye out for them. I can put some extra effort in and talk to someone else first. Little things make a big difference in relationships in or outside of the workplace.

If I ignored my weaknesses I probably wouldn’t do as well. I’d be expecting others to pick up the slack in my abilities rather than working on them or working around them myself. That isn’t a good way to form relationships especially in a workplace. Since I know what I need to work on I have a better chance of it not negatively influencing how I do in an office workplace.

I have empathy and can use that to create authentic workplace relationships. I have communication skills though they need work and can use what I do have while working on getting better. As long as I stay aware of where my struggles are likely to be and continue to strive to do better and become better, I should be fine. I can also potentially get help from others to improve as well.

References

Alder, R. B., Winder, C., Rosenfeld, L. B., & Proctor II, R. F. (2020). Interplay Fifth Canadian Edition. Oxford.

Interpersonal Skills Self-Assessment. (2020). Retrieved from Skills You Need: https://www.skillsyouneed.com/quiz/343479

What are interpersonal skills and why are they important for the workplace? (2019, August 9). Retrieved from Deakin University: https://credentials.deakin.edu.au/what-are-interpersonal-skills-and-why-are-they-important-for-the-workplace/

 

What's In A Word

 

I was not surprised by any of the things mentioned in the textbook on sexism and sexist language. Most of it was things I’d either heard or seen myself. I did quite like how the textbook explained it. “Sexist language includes words, phrases, and expressions that unnecessarily differentiate between females and males or exclude, trivialize or diminish either sex.” (Alder, Winder, Rosenfeld, & Proctor II, 2020, p. 187). It shows not only everything that would be considered sexist language but also uses words that help to show the effect it can have.

While reading the outlined pages I found that most of what was discussed there is drastically based on the individual and the type of environment. Being the only female in an office would likely change how you are treated. As the only daughter I noticed a difference in how my brother’s thought of girls versus what some of my friends’ siblings thought. Since growing up my brothers had a sister who was weaker and more timid (unless they crossed a line) they saw women that way.

I worked in an all female office over the summer. The environment was so different from anywhere else I’d worked. Any sexist language used was in mockery of sexism and never used in any other way. Due to this and other work experiences I believe that how sexism and sexist language influences the language used in an office environment depends on the office. Each will be different.

Since an office requires teamwork and the ability to work together on things the effect that sexist language has is a huge issue. It demoralizes, which in turn lowers the ability to work. So not only does it have a personal impact, but it effects the organization or office as a whole. Nor do sexist words effect only the target, they affect everyone in the workplace. It doesn’t matter if the target is male or female all workers are affected no matter their gender. “And when sexism is not curtailed, or if its perpetrators are not challenged by the higher ups, those in authority lose their credibility” (John, n.d.).

Something else that popped out to me in the textbook was the section on sexual orientation and how derogative words relating to LGBTQ+ affect others. As someone a part of that community I have noticed how often homosexual insults are used, and how those using them react when they discover that the person, they just insulted isn’t heterosexual. Some get defensive, some get angry, some use more insults, and others apologize. These kind of words and other insults would have quite the affect on a work environment and the use of them directed at a co-worker or employee even if it isn’t directed at me, would have me handing in my notice.

While most offices should have policies in place and keep the office free of sexist language, not all will care enough to. Due to this we have laws in place to protect those who would otherwise have to either put up with it or quit.

“Workplace harassment is defined as a single or repeated incident of objectionable or unwelcome conduct, comment, bullying or action intended to intimidate, offend, degrade or humiliate a particular person or group. It’s a serious issue and creates an unhealthy work environment resulting in psychological harm to workers.

 

It does not include any reasonable conduct of an employer or supervisor related to the normal management of workers or a work site. Differences of opinion or minor disagreements between coworkers are also not generally considered to be workplace harassment if steps are taken to resolve the conflict.” (Workplace harassment and violence, 2020).

With all this in mind sexist language and sexism in general shouldn’t affect the workplace. Since unfortunately not everyone understands why it is important to treat everyone equally, thankfully we have a right to be treated fairly. I have kept this in mind with every job I’ve had. I will keep it in mind with every future job as well. So, I expect to be able to work in an office where I will be treated with basic respect, and from this chapter and the research done for this discussion post know of things I can do if that isn’t the case.

References

Alder, R. B., Winder, C., Rosenfeld, L. B., & Proctor II, R. F. (2020). Interplay Fifth Canadian Edition. Oxford.

John, S. (n.d.). How Sexist Words Affect Attitudes and Behavior in the Workplace. Retrieved from Chron: https://smallbusiness.chron.com/sexist-words-affect-attitudes-behavior-workplace-18256.html

Workplace harassment and violence. (2020). Retrieved from Alberta: https://www.alberta.ca/workplace-harassment-violence.aspx