Can You Hear Me Now

 

My score in yet another self-assessment was not what I had expected. Usually I’m an empathetic listener so only getting a 49 surprised me. Then I thought about it and realized that right now I probably wouldn’t be as good of a listener because of how much emotional turmoil I’m in. It’s nice to know that even in emotional and metal turmoil my listening skills are okay. While I may not be as approachable as I would otherwise be I’m still able to listen and care about what the other person is saying (MindTools Content Team, n.d.). I’ll take that as a success.

“Listening is more difficult than many realize. Common barriers to listening include information overload, personal concerns, rapid thought, and noise. Being aware of these potential barriers can help you create environments that are more conductive to listening.” (Alder, Winder, Rosenfeld, & Proctor II, 2020, p. 5). I definitely have some listening barriers I am currently dealing with.

While my personal concerns aren’t upcoming tests or a great night out, they still greatly affect my ability to listen to others. I found it interesting that the textbook did not list emotional state as something that affects our ability to listen to others. So, I hunted for a source that did.

“Negative emotions such as sadness, anger, or personal dislike filter what you hear so that it matches your mood. They can even distract you from listening at all. Other people may read or sense your state and censor themselves, or struggle to communicate.” (Treasure, 2020) This excerpt that Julian Treasure shared from his book How to be Heard summarizes how emotional state can affect our ability to truly listen to others. Julian Treasure went on to state the effect of positive emotions and the need to be aware of your emotions.

Julian Treasure also stated what needs to be done when in a state where your emotions negatively effect your ability to listen to others. “The key is to be aware of your state. If you know that you can’t listen so well because of your current emotional state, you can take action, for example to move important conversations to a better time or to compensate by making greater effort than you naturally would.” (Treasure, 2020)

I also struggle with rapid thoughts at the best of times. My mind wanders easily, and I have to focus to stay on task. This added to my current struggle with my emotional state makes is so much more difficult to listen. With the negative emotional state it is harder to focus on anything, that added on with the rapid thoughts means that unless I put in a lot of effort I won’t get as much out of a conversation unless I work at it.

My goal is to put in more effort when I’m not doing as well, and to let others know that I will struggle more to listen well and will be willing to have the conversation at a later date. I would also like to work on focusing my rapid thoughts to stay in the conversation rather than getting distracted. These are the two key areas I believe I need improvement in, and I plan to use what this course teaches to help with that as much as possible.

References

Alder, R. B., Winder, C., Rosenfeld, L. B., & Proctor II, R. F. (2020). Interplay Fifth Canadian Edition. Oxford.

MindTools Content Team. (n.d.). How Good Are Your Listening Skills? Retrieved from MindTools: https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/listening-quiz.htm

Treasure, J. (2020, August). The emotional barriers to listening. Retrieved from Julian Treasure: https://www.juliantreasure.com/blog/emotional-barriers-listening

The Power of Emotions

 

According to my results in both self assessments we were asked to take: while I am aware, have decent emotional identification, perception and expression (Emotional Intelligence Test, 2020) and often use proactive coping skills (Coping & Stress Management Skills Test, 2020) I still have a lot of room for growth. Considering my age and stage in life this is not unexpected. While I have done a lot to improve my emotional intelligence, coping, and stress management skills I am aware I have much more to learn still.

I have put in years of time and effort into understanding my emotions, building up my coping skills, and learning to manage stress in a healthier fashion. During all of that I came to the understanding that this would be a lifelong process. It is not something I can perfect as there will be days, I am better at it and days where it is harder to manage. Something to remember though is that “just because you feel a certain way does not mean you must always act on it.” (Alder, Winder, Rosenfeld, & Proctor II, 2020, p. 124). In an office setting it is important to remember when it is acceptable to act on your emotions and when it is better to wait until you get home.

Bottling emotions is not a healthy way to manage them, instead it is best to wait until the initial emotional response has subsided and you have thought through your response (Alder, Winder, Rosenfeld, & Proctor II, 2020, p. 125). This can be done by expressing your emotions through other means and then addressing the situation once you’ve had time to process and think.

For me personally I do my best to keep an eye on my emotions and stress levels. I have medication to take to reduce my anxiety and bolster my emotional coping abilities. In an office setting I bring these things with me to work. I also make sure I have a notebook and plenty of pens. By venting frustrations in the notebook I’m able to keep work relationships more positive. This also allows me to avoid bottling until I can’t function.

If I don’t implement my coping strategies it becomes physically difficult to come into work. I have a harder time dealing with my workload, and struggle to interact with my coworkers. By staying mindful of where I am emotionally and stress wise, I have a better chance of keeping on top of it so I can be effective at work. It keeps my mental health up which improves my ability to do my work.

Being able to read the emotional states of others also allows for improved relations with coworkers. Understanding that a co-worker is upset and taking the time to learn what their coping strategies are allows for fewer conflicts. In situations where you don’t know what they need to cope, being understanding that they are having a bad day helps both parties make it through the day. Something I have found important to remember that the textbook worded quite well is that “listening is both more frequent and less emphasized than speaking. Despite its relative invisibility, listening is at least as important as speaking. Research shows that good listening is vital to both personal and professional success.” (Alder, Winder, Rosenfeld, & Proctor II, 2020, p. 169). The textbook goes on to explain what listening is.

While reading this section and doing the assessments I was reminded that staying on top of my mental health, keeping an eye on my stress levels, and being aware of my emotions is vital to my success in any environment. It is even more vital in environments that are likely to cause more stress such as work or school. Improving my abilities in these areas will go a long way to helping me be more effective in an office workplace. My current awareness levels will allow me to stay aware of others while keeping an eye on my own state. It allows me to help where I can but know my limits.

References

Alder, R. B., Winder, C., Rosenfeld, L. B., & Proctor II, R. F. (2020). Interplay The Process Of Interpersonal Communication Fifth Canadian Edition. Oxford University Press.

Coping & Stress Management Skills Test. (2020). Retrieved from Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/tests/career/coping-stress-management-skills-test

Emotional Intelligence Test. (2020). Retrieved from Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/tests/personality/emotional-intelligence-test

 

Do You See What I See

 

My three most powerful factors when it comes to influencing my perception are: My mood, my own life experiences, and my mental illness. While the last one ties in with the first the two are different and cover different areas of my perception.

While reading the textbook one of the perception areas really stood out to me, mood. Part of that was for due to the first line stated in that section. “Our emotional state strongly influences how we view people events, and, therefore, how we communicate (Lount, 2010).” (Alder, Winder, Rosenfeld, & Proctor II, 2020, p. 89). Since I have found this to be the case with myself it struck a cord with me. Whether I’m happy, sad, irritated, calm, or in some other emotional state, it affects how I respond to things. When happy or calm my patience level is far higher than in situations where I’m sad or irritated. When having conversations with friends I assess my mood and inform them if my emotional state might make it more difficult for me to perceive what is being said in a positive light.

A personal example of this would be the difference between days when I am feeling happy and have no issue helping a coworker with the same thing multiple times versus days when I’m already irritated and am being asked to explain the same thing over and over. On the happy days I just see it as the coworker knowing I know how and so asking me to help them figure it out. On days when I’m already irritated it seems as though this same coworker is making no progress and isn’t bothering to retain what I’ve already explained several times.

When the textbook went through how we interpret things based on experiences I nodded my head in agreement though I was reading it to myself. The short part about personal experience was something that stood out to me due to the question asked. “What meanings have similar events held?” (Alder, Winder, Rosenfeld, & Proctor II, 2020, p. 84). For me this is something that actually causes problems for me. I have lived through some experiences that have left me wary of others. If situations are too similar to past ones I begin to struggle to cope.

I am instantly on my guard when people flirt with me via social media or other internet platforms. An old friend flirting to try to boost my self-confidence can have me struggling to breathe. I know logically that this person means me no harm, but my perception of the situation is too coloured by my past experiences for me to handle the situation logically.

Another example is that due to past experiences I now watch crowds carefully. I make sure I can see where the entrance and exit are. I get uncomfortable if I can’t see at least one door. I spent time where I had to hide and so I still watch for that same person as well as keeping an eye on escape routes should they become necessary. My perception of crowded places has changed due to this. I see them as something to endure rather than enjoy. If I’m not alone it becomes easier to relax in those same situations. This again is due to my perception of safety.

My world can easily turn upside down if I get an anxiety attack or find myself struggling to cope with a depression spiral. While I didn’t find a mention of these in the textbook reading, mental illness truly affects how the world is perceived. This can be to the level of what colours we see. (Harvard Mental Health Letter, 2010).

Anxiety makes me hyper aware of my surroundings. Noise seems louder, colours and movements can overwhelm me. An increase in sensory-perceptual has been found in those with generalized anxiety, ptsd, and other related anxiety disorders (Robinson, Vytal, Cornwell, & Grillon, 2013). Having my sensory perception increased definitely alters how I perceive things. What would normally be a comfortable buzz of noise becomes overwhelming. What would normally be an enjoyable interactive game becomes terrifying.

I have found that with all these things colouring my perception of the world around me and the people in it I have to keep an eye on what is affecting me. I watch for my mental illness triggers, I keep tabs on my mood, and I tell those I care about information about my past and how it could affect things so they aren’t taken off guard. By keeping myself aware I try to reduce misunderstandings both on my part and on the part of others around me.

References

Alder, R. B., Winder, C., Rosenfeld, L. B., & Proctor II, R. F. (2020). Interplay Fifth Canadian Edition. Oxford.

Harvard Mental Health Letter. (2010, November). The Quirky Brain: How depression may alter visual perception. Retrieved from Harvard Health Publishing: https://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletter_article/the-quirky-brain-how-depression-may-alter-visual-perception

Robinson, O. J., Vytal, K., Cornwell, B. R., & Grillon, C. (2013). The impact of anxiety upon cognition: perspectives from human threat of shock studies. Frontiers in Human Neroscience. Retrieved from PMC: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3656338/